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Confession time (since you seem to like my confessions): when I was a teenager I was just obsessed with boys. I talked with my girlfriends about them – and little else, lived my life constantly in anticipation of the next disco, wrote horrific lists in my diary like*…
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I am totally in lurve with:
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1. Paul (but he is going out with Jane)
2. Martin (if he was a bit taller)
3. David (and I think he might like me!)…
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Jules 4 David 4 eva!
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*artists’ impression only – names have been changed!
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…and tried out this calculation more than I practised my quadratic equations. Which means that although I cannot tell you the basics of Pythagoras’ Theorum, I can still see that the hubby and I have a pretty good score on the ol’ love calculator.
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Is it wrong that I am actually quite chuffed?
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*EDIT: it actually turns out that my maths is so bad that I can’t even perform a love calculation properly. Kids: 0 + 2 does not equal 4. Looks like its 46% for us – FAIL!
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The thing was, until the age of about 15 when I suddenly shot up about 2ft, grew my hair and, lets say, developed in other areas, the boys just weren’t so obsessed with me. Whilst my friends netted the cool guys, I was always left twiddling my thumbs by the dance floor. So, when I came across this weighty tome, boy, was I excited…
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The Rules – By Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider – Time Tested Secrets For Capturing The Heart Of Mr Right.
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Image from Amazon, where you can still buy The Rules
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I bought this book at the airport on holiday with my parents (wrong I know), hidden in amongst all the Sweet Valley High and Judy Blume, and devoured it. I could probably still recite bits of it now – and have done over the years to my poor friends when in the midst of a dating crisis. I am probably breaking a million Rules by even telling you about this now. I hope the World doesn’t implode.
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When researching this blog post, I was surprised to find that The Rules propaganda machine is still churning, and is now a multi million dollar empire with loads of offshoot titles, dating coaches, an official website and all sorts of other stuff!
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Even then, I could see that some of it was tongue in cheek (or even if it wasn’t meant to be tongue in cheek – downright ridiculous) I mean, who expects their boyfriend to pay for everything? I could also see that some of it was a little out dated and was never going to work in reality. “Don’t tell him what to do”? – pah!
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However, I could also see that some of it made sense. In essence, The Rules is all about playing hard to get. And so I did. And it worked.
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In a nutshell, these are the main Rules (each rule is a chapter of the book that explains how to put that Rule into practice)…
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- 1 Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other
- 2 Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
- 3 Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
- 4 Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
- 5 Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
- 6 Always End Phone Calls and dates First
- 7 Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
- 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date
- 9 ALWAYS end the date first
- 10 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
- 11 Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
- 12 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
- 13 Don’t Rush into Sex, Wait at Least Three Dates
- 14 Don’t Tell Him What to Do
- 15 Let Him Take the Lead
- 16 Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
- 17 Don’t Open Up Too Fast
- 18 Be Honest but Mysterious
- 19 Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
- 20 Don’t Date a Married Man
- 21 Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It’s Nuts
- 22 Don’t Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
- 23 Don’t Break The Rules!
- 24 Love Only Those Who Love You
- 25 Be Easy to Live With
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See what I mean about some of them being ridiculous, and others, actually not so much?
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The main message resonated with me. The boys I liked never had time for me, whereas those I ignored? Putty in my hands. So, the teenage me – ever up for a real life boyfriend to call my own – picked and chose the ones I liked, and put them into practice.
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And yes, they did work. On shallow teenage boys. I played hard to get and won my man. But ah, there’s the rub, the minute my guard was down and I showed some affection – my beau’s own affection waned. It may have been The Rules, but it wasn’t real love. Not that I was particularly bothered. I had a whole list of targets, remember?!
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When I eventually grew up (still a Rules girl) and met my husband (for the third time lucky – we had a few false starts), naturally most of The Rules went out of the window. Only accept a Saturday date after Wednesday? Err… what if you haven’t left each other’s side since day one?!
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So what to think? Is the million dollar empire that The Rules has built complete poppycock, or is there truth in the process? I’m sitting on the fence for now, as I can’t help wondering if those few false starts with my husband (where I essentially didn’t return his calls, stare at him or ask him to dance), was me doing The Rules on him after all.
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So, lets open up some discussion here!
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Have you ever played by The Rules?
Do The Rules work?
Is The Rules an out-dated concept or is there a place for it in modern romance?
Is The Rules anti-feminist or do they give women more power in dating?
Is using The Rules deceptive, or is all fair in love and war?
Do you even care?
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I’d love to hear your views – don’t be shy – please leave a comment below to start the debate.
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Brides Up North UK Wedding Blog – Images © 2011 as credited
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